my little space...which i love so much!

My Home office today...

the never ending job loads.. (thanked God actually..)


My organized -looked so not like one- filing system..


ahaaa...my crowded small working table which i use only to stare stuffs..or read references

there you go..it is true what people say though, creativity struck in an environment people might say impossible, this is mine (at least for now..)

insomnia! get the hell out of my life!

when i was still at my college year, not having a proper 5 hours of sleep feels like attending one of those latenight shopping disount where all the stuff can be purchased 50%-70% off the regular price, i'm excited to work on all the unreasonable tasks that're stuffing high on my working table, along with a bottle (or two-during those harsh harsh nites) kratingdaeng to seize the nite, a cup of coffee (imagine the amount of caffein running free inside my bloood at those times), i'm like a healthy patriot ready to go on a war. and i'm not even working for an amount of money.. doing it all with smile (and tears..and lots of anger most of the times)

i'm fine with not having my proper beauty sleep, i'm fine with working outside my comfy room, in a space filled with paints, papers, scissor, sketches and not having food at all during all the damnhardworkingnites, the silliest part is...the next morning i'd still be able to have five minutes bath and grab all my finished work to the nearest bus station, riding my way with all the chaos of jakarta's highway jam in the morning and still be proud to say to all my colleague sumtin like "could you believe it.. I'm finishing it all in just one night...i haven't slept at all!!" along with those statement, my friends were saying similar stuffs as well.. man..how we were so proud for not having a sleep at all, it's like... resting your mind just in a couple of hour is a sin to the unfinishes tasks.. staying awake at all times possible is assumed as one regular activity, just like having teh botol untuk semua makananmu..

those moments i mentioned above was 4 years ago..

today, it's 5 AM in the morning, and i'm gonna have a important meeting at 10 AM, imagine me sitting like a pig surrounded with pillows, nice cold air conditioning in my room, awesome music to heal my tight minds, i've finished all my workloads, yet.. I CAN'T SLEEP.. it's been 3 freakin nights!!
with all the ambience i've created just to have my five hours necessary sleeping time, it's just not working..yeah yeah..the dumbest thing is, i don't understand why this insomnia is attacking my life during nights when actually i have the time to sleep, i manage my work on time, i don't drink kratingdaeng no more, i've provided snacks to keep my body healthy (not in shape though-sigh-), vitamins as a substitute for the kratingdaeng, drink lots of water.. what else..

I NEED MY SLEEP, really i do... after experiencing a one sick sick day at work, going home and sleep is all i want.. sometimes i wish that i could be somekind of superhero who have the power to stop time and sleep as long as i want.. ahh..now that's heaven..

ah what the heck..this the last row guys..i'm gonna try to sleep (please be noticed that writing this post is one of my way to tempt the goddess of sleepiness to come my way...)
it's just a meaningless post (again..!) in about 4 hours front, my clients will notice my panda eyes and the eyebag hanging like a slice of orange below my eyes.. i'm gonna use the statement i used to say during my college years then.. but play with it a little..

"heyho client...you are absolutely brilliant, as a matter of fact it's just lke what you've guessed,
i haven't slept allnight!!! ahahahaha... it's okay....i'm a designer....

.....we don't sleep" *long sigh*

a so called word of mouth?

baru aja baca ulang testimonial yang ada di frenster...jadi malu kadang-kadang..dan agak terpana juga..entah karena teknologi hari gini dah sgitu canggihnya sampe untuk berkaca ke diri sendiri aja tinggal buka account frenster and Plop..there you go..all the stuffs people are saying bout yourself.. diinput bukan cuma bisa dibaca sama orang-orang terdekat aja, tapi segitu banyaknya orang lain, dari yang kenal, sampe yang ga kenal..trus..akhirnya bisa juga buat nambah kenalan.halah! anggep aja punya temen di account itu sekitar 400 orang..so..itu berarti ada 400 orang yang baca mengenai hal-hal terbaik/terburuk mengenai diri kita sendiri, hosh..antara tegang dan excited juga sih.. sukur sukur selama ini terima testimonial yang cukup "wajar", aahahaha..i love my friends, no matter what the heck they're saying bout myself, but they are my everyday mirror on how i can take a look at myself. bener loh..

ga jelas nih postingan ini buat apa, tapi agak gregetan aja since dah lama bgt ternyata ga diupdate blognya, ini lagi juga..salah satu ajang ajaib buat curhat massal..throw everything here and shout it out loud, bayangin berapa banyak yang baca blogger.. mulai dari yang cuma tiap hari isinya curhat, ada yang inspiring, ada yang mendidik..sampe ada yang ga penting (macam blog yang ini neh..) tapi tetep..aja ..makin hari jumlahnya makin banyak..

saya sedang membaca salah satu buku seth godin, dan dia mengatakan bahwa weblink macam blogger ini punya daya marketing yang tinggi..since ini adalah salah satu media yang baik untuk menyampaikan "berita teraktual" , apalagi kalo address kita ditag segitu banyaknya orang yang mengganggap penting, alhasil jadilah sarana word of mouth terpercaya versi hightech dan dibebani listrik ajah.

so..with today's post allow me to shout this out loud.. 2 minggu lagi adalah hari terakhir saya bekerja makan gaji di kantor yang dah menafkahi slama 6 tahun terakhir ini.. abis itu..*gebukan drum dimulai* I am...*makin kenceng* making...*makin cepet temponya* my own BUSINESS..*djetak JESSS...!*

presenting ... kendelite creative studio

masih kecil dan lagi belajar jalan..(merangkaknya dah lewat..) , mohon doa restunya dari semua yang kiranya ga sengaja baca postingan ga jelas ini... agak menakutkan, tapi really really excited and proud..yah macam a proud mom after having her first pregnancy lah.. kecil kecil dah siap perang kok..dah modal baca bukunya sun tzu art of war juga.. doakan ya..
hope this little place where i put all my heart and soul can grow better as time goes by, still need all the knowledge i can get, and lots of hardwork to get through all what may come.

thank you Lord Jesus for making my dream comes true..love you all..

question answered, hopefully.

if you're now dealing with difficult decisions, maybe this quote below can help you find the answer.. it sure answers mine. cheers.

"Are you capable of standing alone when necessary and making decisions that will govern the outcome of the enterprise? Can you penetrate with depth and escape at will? Is there room to renegotiate a situation ( should it become necessary), in order to protect the overall condition of your plan? if not, then you must rethink the conditions and put them to your advantage. Once the war begins someone must win and someone must lose, unless both sides are insecure in their desire." Sun Tzu - The art of war

the debtlicious life

we'll never be free from the debt we owe in life i guess, one day i started to think how life took so much more than you can earn.

the debt to appear all nice and pretty in front of lots of audience, wheter it's your long lost family who visits you once in a year, or your colleagues at work, not to mention the clients you meet everyday, more to add on the list those people you meet abstractly, when you walk window shopping at the mall, they don't know you yes it's true, but the eyes the made when they're looking at you and what you wear, seems like you owe them a good sight for sore eyes.

the other debt you owe is the attitude to work and play equally on the working field, you come on time every day, you obey the company rules, you finish your deadline on time, and after all the "crashing your bones" at work, you'd still have to manage play nice and give a great big smile to the people you work for by the end of the day, just to show appreciation for the head who pays your salary every month.

talking about other people's opinion about yourself is like a no ending love stories that runs every week (some even runs every day) on your favourite tv channel, it ain't gonna stop til you drop. get bored or just be ignorant. even when you've already pay those debts in a way you think it's good enough, the talking won't stop that easily.

the only debt that comes with a reasonable excuses is my monthly billing statement, it comes every end of the month, in a one (sometimes two or more..) piece a paper, there you can see clearly how much you've spent your money, you don't have to think of any other excuses for this one debt, pay 'em and they'll be gone for good, how easy life would be if all the other debts in life comes it this piece of paper also, so you'd know how much you owe. maybe for once, it's gonna stop eventually.

ahh..the debtlicious life, isn't it just wonderful? afterall, life is filled with choices, you can say you've chose to ignore all those trashy opinions, or the one you don't assume true, well in the end i guess, human were created to notice stuff, yes you're agree not to listen those stuff, but tell me the truth..do you really really don't care? then what's up with the crying in the middle of the night when you're alone all by yourself?

people will always think you owe them something, just sucked it up and life with it.

the sweetest escape!

it's just one of those day where you can escape all the headaches,
and enjoy the silly little things life offers.
only you, and your best buddies, hanging around without thinking too much where we're going ahead next, just really thinking about the present,
and not everything else.

God. It's just the best day!

easy breathing

hanging out every weekend in one car filled with 10 people,

sitting down together laughing and play the never ending UNO,

throwing brutal jokes that not everyone can handle,

spending.. christmas..idul fitri or just looongggg weekend
at the same coffee shop,

from attending weddings to experiencing pregnancy and becoming parents,


really do hope the togetherness never ends,

I love you all, may not say it often,
but you're special.

life is really not a fairy tale

Once you're that little girl with rainbow ribbon over your head, running around with your also rainbow tricycle, with your teddy bear stuck fat enough to fill up your basket, and with a smile on your face, you ride the wheel without feeling afraid that somehow there's this slightest chance you might fall down on your knee and hurt your precious sweet innocent skin.
life's just much easier those days.

today, you live life trying so hard not to loose yourself, trying that hard to understand that somehow in just a second, you might feel happiness and sadness at the same time, weird enough..you feel it's so normal, that you don't even bother to give a damn.
til on that predictable day, you realize..that you live your life with too much camouflage, too damn much you'd think it's still your own mind who master all the decisions you make or have made.

in the name of free will, how much actually you would sacrifice living life in disguise and accepting that someone,something, somewhatsoever will never accept you the way you really are? the way you actually want to be, and i repeat the way you actually want to be, not become.

to me, there's no such thing as the perfect fairytale without putting efforts, effort here includes losing your inner will, accepting the nonsense in life, and just try to live life with all the imperfection.

Gosh.. how i want my tricycle back!